My soul cries out

“From The Inside Out” Hillsong (United)

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Waking up with a song in my head is usually an indication that my heart has been yearning to listen to God and be open to His direction in my life. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I’ve wanted my will lately. This happens when I’m feeling overwhelmed, fearful and buried under. This is an uncomfortable place. It is when I most want my will to be done, not God’s.
It is no wonder I want my will. In my will certain things will take place and all will be right perfect in the in the world and I will be strong and confident and take care of business. All my quilts are perfect and I never use the seam ripper. I don’t get weirdly moody and react overly emotionally to things. And the thinker part of my brain doesn’t go into overdrive thinking about every awful possibility that might happen. Okay, I make myself  laugh here.

I sometimes wonder what my ideal vision of strength would look like.
A person who speaks their mind; not so much any more. A person who can speak their mind without their brains splashing all over the floor.
A person who does what they say; eh that’s not always such a good idea. I’m kinda not liking so much that I said I would never do something and some days I sooooooooooo want to. (Not my will!)
A person who does everything right, all the time. Ain’t gonna happen sister, just ain’t gonna happen.
A person who is patient. All.the.time. Well sometimes all that gets you is stuck in a ditch.
A person who is kind all the time. Well yeah. Okay won’t argue that one.
A person who is loving all the time. Well yeah.
A person who is sensitive to the needs of others. Most of the time this is good. Funny thing: I must have been deeply thinking this morning cause a customer says, “you must be tired.” “No” says I, “I’m usually irritatingly perky” Well she snapped me out of whatever was rattling around my cabesa and I found my happy self. And like Sunday was happy dancing around the shop.
A person who isn’t snarky. Uh yeah, that’s not going to happen. I prefer to think of it as quick witted. Except in certain situations. Yeah, yeah that’s it. I lose my wit in certain situations.
Oh Lord, I really want to be who you want me to be.
That’s the thing. I really want to be who God wants me to be and that means accepting myself for who he created me to be and learning to live with that in a way that honors Him. It’s not an easy thing. Because naturally, I want to be something/someone other than who I am.

It is from the inside out that God changes us. Sometimes it takes much longer that we think reasonable. God has his own time. God has a plan and I’m hopeful of fitting into that plan. I don’t understand how and why somethings are happening. I might not get it but God does. I might not understand why people behave the way they do, but God does and they are in my life for a reason. Or they’re really just snots. Either way ya go.

I am enough.
I am willing to learn.
I am willing to make mistakes.
I am willing to do my best, even if it’s not good enough for someone else.
In all I’m grateful to be here. I’m grateful to be a quilter. I’m grateful to teach quilting. And I’m grateful for the experiences God allows me to have. Especially quilting. I love quilting!

St. Ignatius of Loyola

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me.

God bless!


2 thoughts on “My soul cries out

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