My soul cries out

Waking up with a song in my head is usually an indication that my heart has been yearning to listen to God and be open to His direction in my life. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I’ve wanted my will lately. This happens when I’m feeling overwhelmed, fearful and buried under. This is an uncomfortable place. It is when I most want my will to be done, not God’s.
It is no wonder I want my will. In my will certain things will take place and all will be right perfect in the in the world and I will be strong and confident and take care of business. All my quilts are perfect and I never use the seam ripper. I don’t get weirdly moody and react overly emotionally to things. And the thinker part of my brain doesn’t go into overdrive thinking about every awful possibility that might happen. Okay, I make myself  laugh here.

I sometimes wonder what my ideal vision of strength would look like.
A person who speaks their mind; not so much any more. A person who can speak their mind without their brains splashing all over the floor.
A person who does what they say; eh that’s not always such a good idea. I’m kinda not liking so much that I said I would never do something and some days I sooooooooooo want to. (Not my will!)
A person who does everything right, all the time. Ain’t gonna happen sister, just ain’t gonna happen.
A person who is patient. All.the.time. Well sometimes all that gets you is stuck in a ditch.
A person who is kind all the time. Well yeah. Okay won’t argue that one.
A person who is loving all the time. Well yeah.
A person who is sensitive to the needs of others. Most of the time this is good. Funny thing: I must have been deeply thinking this morning cause a customer says, “you must be tired.” “No” says I, “I’m usually irritatingly perky” Well she snapped me out of whatever was rattling around my cabesa and I found my happy self. And like Sunday was happy dancing around the shop.
A person who isn’t snarky. Uh yeah, that’s not going to happen. I prefer to think of it as quick witted. Except in certain situations. Yeah, yeah that’s it. I lose my wit in certain situations.
Oh Lord, I really want to be who you want me to be.
That’s the thing. I really want to be who God wants me to be and that means accepting myself for who he created me to be and learning to live with that in a way that honors Him. It’s not an easy thing. Because naturally, I want to be something/someone other than who I am.

It is from the inside out that God changes us. Sometimes it takes much longer that we think reasonable. God has his own time. God has a plan and I’m hopeful of fitting into that plan. I don’t understand how and why somethings are happening. I might not get it but God does. I might not understand why people behave the way they do, but God does and they are in my life for a reason. Or they’re really just snots. Either way ya go.

I am enough.
I am willing to learn.
I am willing to make mistakes.
I am willing to do my best, even if it’s not good enough for someone else.
In all I’m grateful to be here. I’m grateful to be a quilter. I’m grateful to teach quilting. And I’m grateful for the experiences God allows me to have. Especially quilting. I love quilting!

St. Ignatius of Loyola