Grasping

Philippians 2: 6 – 11
Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God
something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
coming in human likeness;
and found human in appearance,
he humbled himself,
becoming obedient to the point of death,
even death on a cross.
Because of this, God greatly exalted him
and bestowed on him the name
which is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus
every knee should bend,
of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that
Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

So the other night I’m sitting at Mass, listening to the readings. Trying desperately to pay attention. It’s so easy to become distracted because stray thoughts are shiny and scream “squirrel!” My attention was drawn to the word grasped and it’s meaning – essentially it means to hold on to, to clasp, hold in your hands; it also means to comprehend, understand. The act of emptying himself, giving up all of who he knew himself to be, all that he could justly hold others accountable for, all of his family and friends…

Totally empty of self.

There is something disconcerting about being empty.

Okay there’s something really freaking hard about letting go of self in order for something better. I am struggling with this right now with something very specific. And right now I’m not quite sure which part to let go…because I can’t see what’s coming next.

I’ve had this happen with quilts, what I think is going to happen often doesn’t because the quilt has it’s own ideas. (Yes, yes a quilt in and of itself is an inanimate object. Listening to Moon Over Manhattan made a huge difference in the quilt itself. And, wow, can I tell you there were quite a few arguments with that quilt.)  However I know that something has to change, and my go to plan is to walk away because I tend to believe I’m not up to the task.

What matters? What really matters? Doing the work and quilting I am tasked with doing.

Quilting and faith teaching me so much about who I am…and who I’m not. Filling and emptying.

God bless!

Teri