This Pillow says,
“Cast yourself into the arms of God and be very sure if He wants anything of you He will fit you for the work and give you strength.” St. Philip NeriSee the etsy link for the pillow
Elizabeth Scalia shared this link and the St Philip Neri quote caught my attention. Yeah. That.
Elizabeth is in the anxiety inducing preparation for surgery next week, please pray for her, her doctors and all those at the hospital and home who are directly and indirectly caring for her.
In reading this quote there was this moment of “it doesn’t matter, none of this not what I do, not how often I quilt, not how often I don’t quilt, not how I’m treated, not how I feel lost, or alone or abandoned (not now!) not how I feel incredibly loved, not my mistakes, not my “greatest hits” not my yearnings or desires. What ultimately matters is that over my life I let God love me and completely abandon myself to His Grace and His Mercy, and His Love, which are all, of course, the same thing, we human beings, delightfully finite see facets, bits and pieces, moments, now, then. We give over to anxiety for the future because we wanna know and yet “blessed are the surprisable for they shall be surprised. Sometimes life just sucks and still it’s a moment where there is infinite opportunity to experience God’s love in the coeur of our being. Sometimes life is – because of our own mistakes or the brutality of other people exercising their free will in horrific ways – horrific and yet there are moments when God is permitted to break through and people who love Him love with all of their being offering a ray of hope in a dark place.
Or like that one day when I asked my husband if I was a failure and he told me that he wasn’t entertaining this conversation and he walked away from me essentially cracking open that place for me to see God’s mercy, cling to that and begin something that’s still happening. Have you ever taken the time to pull apart yarn that’s all twisted up? Or what about necklaces that are the same. There’s a tediousness and commitment that goes with it. And it always looks worse before the untangledness happens and the yarn or necklaces are fully untangled. Whew for me this is work.
Lately I’ve been yearning to be in ministry of some kind and the opportunity has offered itself in the Book Study. I’ve been digging deep into that yearning wondering what it is that I’m actually looking for. Ya know what, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is seeing somethings that need to go to both confession and spiritual direction for some sorting out and all that jazz. Oh also, rather than writing “Forty Days of Prayer for Quilter” I think I’ve found the right coauthor for “The Curmudgeons Guide to Holiness in 7K Easy Steps” When I messaged her the title she nearly peed her pants.
What does matter? How I treat people. While I *think* I do my best I am well aware of the times wherein I fail or think I fail. Maybe, just maybe the failure on my part is an opportunity for the other person to grow. Maybe the failure on my part is an opportunity for me to see where I need to grow. It’s an opportunity for relationship building given the chance.
What does matter? Letting go. Embracing. Looking. Listening. Caring. Sharing. Entering into relationship. Allowing people to leave without thinking it was about me and I really messed up. What does matter? Taking lessons, listening more deeply to how I quilt: with reckless abandon. Loving with reckless abandon much like the Father in the parable of the Prodigal Son. Much like Mary does sitting at the feet of Jesus. Much like Mary, Jesus’ mom does.
May I ask your prayers throughout this week as I teach and demonstrate please. I’ve had one terrible nights sleep and have a long day ahead of me. Thank you!