Frustration redux

Three Minute Retreat Isaiah 49:6 – I will make you a light to the nations, that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.
Spirit of God, move through me. Help me to use my gifts in cooperation with God’s plan of salvation.

So, I’m not frustrated, but had this (probably once again) epiphany of the center of frustration: not cooperating with God’s plan for life. Before actually listening to, and praying with the three minute retreat this morning I read Elizabeth Pardi’s reflection. So I get to the final paragraph where Elizabeth says, ” I still frequently assign myself duties the Lord never intended for me. In the process, I neglect the unique and perfectly suited vocation I was created to fulfill.”

That would be me. I’ve heard that I worry about things I cannot control, and take on responsibilities that do not belong to me by my Sweetie, and by any number of friends who will probably message me privately reminding me of the truth of this. Not in an, “I told you so!” kind of way but in a loving, “I care for you” kind of way. I get reminders all the dang time of God’s love, and that I’m worrying about things or doing things that aren’t my responsibility. And I see where it comes from. It’s fear, and self-doubt. It’s pride. My confessor and I talk about that one every time I go to confession. I seem to have an in-built notion that I can fix it all. No, I can’t. I can see over, and over again in situations where I thought I could fix something, and where someone thought I was there to fix something – everything went haywire, kaflooie. I don’t know if things were worse, sometimes they got better, but I clearly haven’t learned that God is in control, and everything will work out well even when they don’t seem to be working at all.

I’m reminded that fear is not of God.

The Crucifix over my sewing machine reminds me of that frequently. Jesus went along with God’s plan for Salvation, it was ugly, it was brutal, but Jesus did this with great love, sacrificial love for us, for me. The other day I was giving into self-doubt, berating myself for something over which I have absolutely no control. I’m doing everything I can in this particular situation and getting a, “No” paired with something else just shoved me to the edge. I was reminded of the lies that I’ll start to believe, if I keep repeating them over, and over again. I’m reminded of God’s grace, and mercy. And how this has happened, and something beautiful has come each time.

What that let me do it get back to doing my work. Including quilting, and continuing the process of tidying up my quilting studio so I can finally function well in there. It’s going to be a longer process because I want to make several quilts over the next very short period of time. Along with the other work that needs doing.

Remember
– doubts and fears are a normal part of the faith experience
– God doesn’t mind them
– they are an opportunity for us to draw closer to God
– and to experience the extravagant Love of God
– when we hear that we’re not worthy, that our work is crap, turning that over to Jesus is the most important thing we can do. When we buy the lie we sacrifice peace in the midst of whatever storm is swirling around us
– Peace is Holy

God bless,

Teri