There are moments when I want to publish all the thoughts. To share all the things that profoundly move me in some way. This is in someways that post, and in others not so much. On TerifiCreations I shared I had Plans referring back to other days where I had plans that went kaflooie. My favorite of all time is the day wherein the pinhole leak in the blue shampoo for the cats is discovered because, what a mess. Hilarious, and such a mess. Last week it was the washer peeing all over the floor and water moving at least 10′ feet, so you know the water was flowing for a while. Not so hilarious and such a mess. In the moment I was panicking, telling God I know I need to trust you, I’m panicking, help me. Calling my Sweetie, calling a friend and dealing with one thing at a time when my brain is screaming “this and this and this and did you see this and this and this and hey where are all the towels you have more towels do you know where they are and this and this and this and didn’t that puddle in the yard give you a clue something was wrong and this and this and breath raggedly and this and this!!!!!” Let’s add that the dishwasher decided not to clean things, service all number one that is necessitating service all number two having a plumber come to replace a valve. Service call number three is for the washer, which was already in place when the washer decided to pee all over the floor. All of those will happen Thursday. If you need me Thursday I’ll be waiting for the techs to show up.
Back in a minute, starting the breakfast bacon.
While the water wasn’t particularly fun I am oddly grateful for the experience because through it I prayed, I called for help and kept moving forward. This is the fruit of prayer, consistent prayer. What helped I am certain in this moment is that – adrenalin rush – and that I’ve been exercising consistently for six months today. To enjoy the company of a friend I am not going today. I’m working my best, nope switching gears and praying through the shame filled thoughts running through my head. Instead I’m going to enjoy writing, and prayer time before she wakes up and we begin our day.
Monday morning I enjoyed listening to the Abiding Together podcast. I’ve wanted to post to the facebook page since and haven’t quite found the right words to accomplish this, then realized that sometimes it is good to savor the graces for a while before sharing how our Lord moved me. The one grace I want to share here is of friendship born of prayer. Last night as my friend and I talked we spoke of the different levels, types of friends. It is a beautiful thing to work on friendships, to grow in faith, and to enjoy the beauty of the graces.
The Catechism in a Year Podcast is also profoundly moving. I read the “new” Catechism when it came out in 1994, revisited the section on Prayer in 1995 or 1996. What’s really fun as I go through it with Ascension Press is reading the notes I put in the book. Some of the same things move me deeply. One that moved me is that Catechism is written for and addressed to the laity, along with the Bishops and those who teach. This is a clear and direct fruit of Vatican II. At no other time in history have we had a laity that is literate and easy access to the catechism. When walking through my journey home to the Church we read a Catechism written by John Hardon, SJ it was hard and I struggled, in part because this was new to me. In my faith experience thus far the focus was relational rather than knowledge and understanding and theology. I know moments of struggle will come in reading this Catechism my lack of understanding is an opportunity to grow both in obedience to the teaching authority of the Church and to give this to our Lord, seeking wisdom from the Holy Spirit. It may be in that moment my own need will be, “file this under Mystery,” and that will be enough. Deo Gratias.
In this moment I am enjoying the beauty of what I’m reading and hearing. I’m enjoying the nuggets and beauty. I’m enjoying a sense of familiarity and the beauty of cultivating the dynamic relationship with the body of Christ.
As I’ve shared I’m working through a 30 week Ignatian “Adventure.” When talking to my Spiritual Director he asked if I was still doing this. Yes, yes I am. Sunday though oof. In this particular week the reflection focuses on different parts of the Nativity of Jesus. In this retreat there are times when repetition happens, sometimes this is easy and on Sunday not so much. After rereading the passage of Scripture and reviewing the directions, starting to write in the journal I sat at my desk weeping, stopped where I was and went on with the rest of my day. Which included texting one of my friends as I was in need of some prayer, clarity, and understanding from another woman. Gratitude for this conversation and the fruit of it cannot be overstated. While my heart longs to move on, once I’m done writing this post and crack open the journal and book that’s where I’m going, repeating that reading and seeing where it goes. This is about listening and experiencing grace rather than being stuck. There is something there my heart and mind need and in this moment I’m open, I think.
How may I pray for you? How may I accompany you?