This post consists of moments rather than one experience & theme. Each moment has it’s own thought, drop of grace and prayer, or moment of longing to Love more deeply, have compassion for others, and call and be called to a deeper relationship with God.
“Oceans” by Hillsong began playing as soon as I logged onto the radio station this morning. It is a prayer echoed through the ages by a people longing to know God better, to give over to his Love and Mercy, which as you know are the exact same thing. On the Word on Fire blog A Royal Invitation by one of my favorite contemporary Catholic writers, Elizabeth Scalia. I’m in the midst of reading Strange Gods: Unmasking the Idols in Everyday Life in which she, with personal experience, shows us how situations, things, and ideologies can be the thing, the idol we worship instead of worshiping God, the Father who loves us passionately, and desires a relationship with us that is transformative both for us, and by extension for others. The book was published in 2013, and the parts I’m reading fit our current climate in so many, many ways. If this sounds like an endorsement for the book, it is. And in some sense it is just the examination of conscience I need to look at what I’m worshiping instead of God.
The other day I went to the post office to mail copies of Color, Thread & Free-Motion Quilting, while waiting in a seemingly long line a dad walked in with his kid, saw the line and said, “here’s government efficiency for you!” and huffed out. As I stood there somewhat stunned by his reaction I wanted to, but wasn’t able to catch him quickly enough, tell him the line wasn’t as long as it looked, that people at the front of the line we’re not moving forward because phones are a thing. In fact three people moved to the counter while one woman chatted away on her phone. All the while the post office employees took care of customers quickly and with great care and efficiency.
Some of this is a matter of perspective. I could see the line in front of me. He could only see the line when he walked through the door. Who knows what kind of day he was having. I do know that I started getting annoyed with the woman in front of me because she wasn’t moving, the person on the phone was of prime importance rather than the people around her. While I’m not particularly proud of the impatience, it might be understandable because I had 30 pounds of books. in my arms.
At some moment in writing this post I sat at the new-to-me kitchen island wondering what work it is that I’m about at this moment in my life. As a quilting teacher I’m trying to be flexible and get into teaching on digital platforms. I’m ordering lights for the sewing room and looking for something for my Canon PowerShot to start recording video there rather than on my phone. There is the marathon of promoting my somewhat-newly-release book. Waiting for the moment when a dream realized takes place, and knowing that there is work ahead, but not knowing what this work will look like, and not being able to change gears quickly enough to make a significant impact on my income.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path.
Direct me Lord. Lead me. Guide me. Show me your path.
After registering with our local parish an offer of a book study group for women came in one of the emails. So I joined and we’re working our way through Becoming Women of the Word by Sarah Christmyer, what I’m really enjoying is a flipping of the script in a way that honors both God and each woman presented. This week is Deborah, and I need to get reading. There’s been so much flipping the script in understanding the role each woman has in our salvation history that it allowed me to flip the script on some of my own history recently. I am not in a place where I’m ready to be *that* vulnerable with you, yet as there are so many other people involved. But let’s just say that I was able to take a painful experience and with the help of friends and my sisters turn that around into something beautiful. I want very much to lean into God’s grace and part of that leaning in is learning to flip the script that’s in my head. This learned need to correct, and be right all the time. I know where this comes from and it can only be transformed by God’s grace, by listening for the prompts of the Holy Spirit and the healing mercy of Jesus.
I will share that moving, while a good thing, has been challenging in so many ways. I’d forgotten that when I get super stressed my feet, and legs ache. Why my stress goes there is beyond my comprehension however it does. It’s been in the last week or so where all of this has eased off. I think too when I slipped off the ladder and hit just over my ankle there was more done than I knew. Of course I kept painting rather than icing anything because isn’t that just the right thing to do? I mean, why not the closet isn’t going to paint itself now, is it?
Every now and again I hear, “Write!” The problem is I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be writing about. I have book reviews to do, articles to write for my website, and quilts to make. There is an idea for a big quilt that I am just going to make.
In my being there is a longing to be better
Better at both appreciating my emotions and not being ruled by them
Better at taking care of myself and my home and my business
Better at being
Better at examining
Better at vulnerability
I long to be a better human being
Better at being a wife
This post held “Doing the Work” as the original title, it changed, and will remain in that change, though Scattered seems more appropriate. Doing the work has the implication of doing rather than hoping and planning. I keep forgetting that planning and examining are as essential to doing. Today planning and preparation are essential to some doing that begins in a few days. Over on TerifiCreations I’ll have announcements shortly about the doing.
The studio rearranging is calling me. Loudly. Do you hear it? It sounds just like the Lord of the Rings in the background, a few grunts as desks and chairs and whatnot get moved around to make the space functional.
Pray for me friends.