Potential

The Rotten Poet’s Eldlest Daughter
Gives consideration to blog fodder
Sometimes thinking of a word or phrase
Sends her brain into some deep haze
Thought after endless thought
Swirls and whirls around
competing for attention here and there
making my abundant hair
shine and sparkle
a streak of white/gray
that makes me say Hey
Look at this
A Moment of Pure bliss

There are moments when it’s downright difficult to write this blog. I know there is something, however I can’t quite hear or grasp it. In prayer the conversation goes, “Hey Lord the quilters haven’t heard from me in over a week. Then I hear wait, be patient you’ll know.”

Isn’t that the truth! My Sweetie and I were having a conversation a couple of weeks ago about work, how I’m praying for a job, the right job, and he reminded me to pray for God’s will instead. That reminder was really potent. Seriously stopped to step back and look at that, changed how I’m praying, experiencing a level of peace yearned for.

This morning in a social media feed I read this blog post on Theology is a Verb: Unfulfilled Potential. The quote from John XXIII speaks deeply:

Often I consult my fears as a check to see what this day is to be about and I do have many. Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of ruining relationships, fear of mucking up this book project. Gah! These thoughts run though my head needing to be reigned in, well that’s not quite right. The fears are truths that I tend to think about far too much causing a self-centered, egotistical view of my self that extends outward toward others. There is then a well-defined lack of trust in the other, and in God.

Pope John the XXIII’s words and Elizabeth’s conversation at the back of the Church speaks deeply as I have these conversations with others. Connecting deeply, intensely for a moment and moving on. In these moments there is no fear, no hesitation, I am simply present with this person in a deeply personal, and beautiful way.

This morning though these words spoke to me as though I was the person Elizabeth was speaking with. And all I can say at this moment is that there is something deeply encouraging for me in Elizabeth’s words to the guy she spoke with.

These conversations with others are not something I speak of, even on this blog as they are so intense and private. In one conversation a friend, and artist gave me a necklace that says, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams”. It was a beautiful moment, one that I treasure deeply. Like the conversation with my Sweetie about changing, refining how I pray. This isn’t something I’d normally share as he’s not a fan of social media and I do my best to respect that. The thing he points me to, the thing I most need reminding of, is to Trust deeply in God, to dwell in the well of confidence in God. My Sweetie often reminds me deeply of God’s love for me, walking with me to places that need healing, refining, loving.

We quilters are often afraid to take the next step, to pursue our quilterly dreams often as we see first the thing we most want to do, that big project, the defining project and at the same time we see all the small details of that project becoming overwhelmed with those details. We also see those skills we don’t yet possess and are uncertain as to how to get that skill. Often what we need isn’t far out of our reach, it’s a matter of making the right connection, finding the right teacher, and wait for it, doing the work.

God plants these dreams and goals in our hearts and minds to lead us closer to Him, to revel in His Love and to dance. Confidence is the opposite of fear. Holding onto Confidence helps us manage the fear, using it as a catalyst to pursue those God-given dreams with the skill-set given. Fear tries to tell us, “no you can’t do that!” when in all reality we can by giving that fear it’s proper place by thanking fear for doing it’s best to warn us of danger, but this is a good thing to pursue. We will make mistakes. We will fall in the mud puddles, get splashed by cars speeding through puddles. We miscut fabric or wobble when we stitch. We’re still learning, growing, becoming the quilter we want to be. I still don’t know what that means but it’s fun and I can see the work before me, and it’s good.

God bless you!

Teri