I am in deep need of reconciling with someone in my life. Reconciling relationships takes work, time, and willingness to set aside or move beyond the hurt experienced by both. There is a distinct difference between setting aside the feeling of hurt to make room for dealing with the underlying problem and setting aside the underlying problem and “moving forward”. Knowing that this reconciliation needs to happen there’s been some praying, thinking, wondering, and quite a bit of “really Lord? you need me to do this?!”
I got to thinking about how people communicate differently, mainly in the relationship between my Sweetie and me because that is my closest relationship. Sweetie is an extrovert so his communication, and thinking tend to happen verbally, out loud, he talks, a lot. I am a strong introvert and have a preference for written communication, or at least a moment to think before responding. To an extrovert needing this moment isn’t always appreciated as it sometimes signals that I’m not listening, though I am very deeply.
Let me pause here and say this is not the relationship needing reconciliation.
In my late teens I went through a reconciliation process with another person, our communication styles matching well, we wrote letters to each other. It was difficult, oh so difficult. However in the end we came to a better understanding of one another in a way that allowed us to love each other more deeply than ever. I am ever grateful for that first missive, and wish I’d kept them all.
The person that I need to reconcile with now is a verbal communicator for the most part.
Now you know that I can sell sewing machines well and will problem solve, even over the phone. I teach in classrooms of 25 people, I will speak on quilts to whomever would like to listen. I would, given the opportunity speak of faith and quilting to a large crowd. So I can do verbal communication, it’s not my first choice. Because written communication is preferred by me I’ve been writing letters that I won’t send. They won’t get sent because I know, deep down, they won’t be received well, and that’s okay. I need to, and will reach out at the right moment.
While writing the Lord revealed something to me that wasn’t so much of a surprise as it was a huge surprise. Bear with me hear for a few moments, and I promise this will relate to quilts. A couple of weeks ago while visiting with family I was reminded of someone I loved and admired deeply here in this earthly life, and that I miss very much. Every now and again she’d turn to my husband, her son and say, “she’s coming along”. She learned to accept my passionate nature seeing that is can and would lead to something more. The one thing I wanted to learn from her, to be like her was in her confidence and “take no sh*t” from people. This family visit and the letter writing showed me that this thing I’ve longed for, this confidence has been there all along, and it’s been exercised in ways I wasn’t really conscious.
I can see that in the quilting as well. My next quilt idea, the one that will be under my needle in about an hour is based on walking by a stem on the ground and liking the shape. Over the course of a couple of days the image of the entire quilt developed in my head and I can see it.
Through the years the quilting has changed, and morphed into something very different. The willingness to take the risks in quilting, comes from the same place as the courage to reconcile this relationship. This willingness got me teaching, allowed me to tape for a national quilt show, and allowed me to work on a magazine when I didn’t feel I was qualified.
Now I am once again going to attempt the writing of a quilt book (official contract coming soon) with something of a different approach. I know that editors are the best thing since sliced cheese and are there to grow you as an author. I am willing to hear constructive words about the work. And with the things God is showing me I know that this is the time. I am still a bit in awe of the work coming, there is a bit of fear (okay a lot but that’s part and parcel), and the whole thing could flop. That’s simply part of the process. I am saying Yes.
One of the things I very much want to convey, that is heard every time I teach is, “you can do this, you’ve got this, keep going”.
I covet your prayers through this. Thank you so much for being part of my quilt life. You all are the best.