Lord, You are Funny and I love you for it

or

How I started writing the thing I need to write

the back of the quilt John Cardin dyed fabricStaring at the computer screen waiting for the words to flow from the space between the ears, glasses on, glasses off, scratch head. Wonder. Self-doubt fills the air, the space in my heart, the space in my head. Typing starts. Backspacing to erase said typing starts.

Write blog post in twenty minutes.

Go back to thing that must be written. Type. Backspace. Gah! What the heck.

Send email. Read response. Reply. Words flow easily.

Stare at screen some more, hit save. Hang head in yet another wave of self-doubt. Realization hits, self-doubt starting to believe the messages running through my head that I’m not up to the task. I don’t know what I’m talking about. Impostor Syndrome rears it’s ugly head. One of these days those quilters will realize I don’t know a dang thing.

I go to bed. Sigh.

tree upWaking up with the thought grab that lined filler paper, find a folder, drop it in, shove it in the backpack and go for that walk to Church. The paper comes out, the writing begins, slowly, still not quite right but the words happen. First Mass ends. I go into the main Church. I pull out my journal and write, “Lord, You are funny and I love you for it.”

Start giggling. Drop the journal like a hot potato. Pick up the pen and filler paper and write for twenty minutes straight. Cute, Lord. But seriously thanks, I really appreciate the time, the words, and what came out. I know it needs editing but that’s for later, not now. I need to write.

Yes friends I’m in process with the publisher. I don’t know if this will get accepted. Because no, is always an option and one to accept with grace. If it does great! I write, quilt, draw blah blah blah. If it doesn’t I still want to write, quilt, draw blah blah blah. There are two other things I’m working on at the same time. It’s kind of cool and somewhat hilarious. In the meantime I still need a day job. So I covet your prayers through all of this. Mostly for an openness to being guided through this process wherever it leads. No matter where it leads.

God bless,

Teri

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