I’m sitting in my living room trying to write this blog post for the third, maybe fourth, time. A Quilter’s Heart is akin to the prayer journals that I once kept daily. I miss that time with God, handing all of those big, and little things that filled my heart with joy, with love, with tenderness, and compassion; things that sometimes hurt, that hold deep concern, annoyed me. Each one of these thoughts a moment in the day, or week that I turned over to God. This blog is a journal connecting faith and quilting in daily life. Quilting is, in a deep sense for me, a form of prayer, a way to enter into that Divine creativity, rest, comfort. A place to turn all of my troubles over to God, casting all my cares on him, recognizing deeply that He does indeed, care for me. Lately this quilting time has allowed me to see how much I’ve needed to reconnect with God as I’ve deep sense of renewal over the last few weeks. Just in time for the feast of Pentecost, the fifty days of Easter come to completion with the gift of the Holy Spirit. The breath of God, the Creative Spirit.
One of the things I realized over the weekend is that for a long time the I’ve been relying on my feelings to relate to God, friends, work, creating. One thing I know with great certainty is that feelings often tell lies. My sweetie and one of my besties have reminded me of this on more than one occasion lately, and probably with some great frustration with the frequency of this reminder. And using the very same words I would offer to another person who is struggling with where they are, with their quilting, with their career. If someone were struggling in their faith, with prayer I would say much the same thing. It would be so easy to give into feelings and run away from the gift that is right in front of me.
There are moments of great trust in God, and there are moments when everything in my own life becomes all about me. Oh yes. I admit it. I don’t particularly like it because this leads to great doubt, to making decisions based in fear, to not quilting because I. Just. Can’t. (see it’s all about me).
God knows what I need, what we, as a couple, need. Whatever this yearning below the surface is, this call on my heart, the one that God placed there for some reason. I’m trusting that God is leading somewhere, and that all will be well. The quilt above, while it is inspired by The Starry Night by van Gogh, it has a feel of the ocean, ocean waves. This type of piecing is something that will continue for a while. It’s about trusting the process, trusting the journey, trusting that something beautiful will come out of this hot mess.