Shhh don’t tell anyone, please. Oh wait I’ve probably alrady admitted it…I get distracted at Mass sometimes. Sometimes it’s life, sometimes it’s people, sometimes I have a hard time understanding the Celebrant. I do try to bring myself back to the present moment, there’s not anything more important than that Moment.
And tonight what really distracted me? Twenty-five. OH! Oh! I remember now. Father started talking about why he loves and admires St. Joseph so much. My brain started thinking about something he said and whooooosh the words spilled out of my brain for the rest of his homily. I got to thinking about St. Joseph, leadership, servant leadership, how I want to be when I grow up, how I gave up growing up for lent to embrace the gift of joy, laughter and humor that God gave me. Then I started thinking about the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) and how important that was in my life, how I would call my Sponsor (now husband) after the sessions with our leader sometimes excitedly discussing whatever we discussed in class, sometimes crying because something wasn’t quite clicking in my brain. Struggling with my identity as a woman, who would I be as a wife, would I be enough. You know the usual twenty-something questions ponder, with all the seriousness and angst of trying to be grown up and foundering around.
The more I thought about RCIA, and how this process when done well, breathes life into the parish. It’s sustaining, refreshing, and renewing. The faces of several of the folks I went through the process with, came to mind. Beth who was getting married, James a professional business man, and Martha who shared with me Mulieris Dignatatem (On the Dignity and Vocation of Women). The memories just poured forth.
Then I realized something this all happened twenty-five years ago. Um WOW. In 1992 completed the Sacraments of Initiation (Confirmation and First Eucharist) went to my First Confession, and celebrated the Sacrament of Matrimony. Whew! What a year. And here we are getting ready to celebrate. I do remember one over the guy leading our group telling me I needed to relax, as I was so serious. In many ways I still am this serious.
And as that serious type I so want to spend some time navel gazing, reflecting, and thinking about the twenty-five years and how I can grow, going forward. And the less serious part of me want to say screw it, enjoy the ride, and have fun. Yes I want to learn and grow, but more there is a deep longing to let go of that part of who I am. That’s really not going to happen. A serious bent is a gift given by God to examine, explore, and embrace. Lightening up…yeah I try hard.
And then quilting. Ohohoh. I’d love to take quilting in not such a serious way. And yet, that is not the gift given. Exploring, testing boundaries, figuring out why things work and how to use those thing well, then figuring out how to teach that to others. That is a gift in and of itself. The possibilities are endless. See what happens here? The serious side of me works out the technical stuff of quilting so, the fun side loves to share this stuff.
Quilt-making is such a gift, one that continues to offer surprises. Like the quilt above. This was started a couple of years ago. Setting it aside to work, and write was downright hard. That there is an opportunity to work on it now is refreshing. Though what comes next is elusive on the quilt, on the 9-patches I started a few weeks ago, and elusive in what career path to follow. The way is, at the moment, unclear. And yet there is a deep sense of peace. I don’t know where I’m going, but the ride sure is interesting. Like a roller coaster. Wheeee!