The last few days or so I keep hearing
The same power that rose Jesus from the Grave
The same power that commanded death to wait
Lives in Us, Lives in us
The same power moves mountains when he speaks
The same power that can calm a raging sea
Lives in Us, Lives in Us
An ear worm that speaks to the transformative gift of the life of Jesus, of not only the desire to follow Him, but to be transformed by giving over to God all of it. And so I know this week is about a lot of things: forgiveness, betrayal of friends, new life, great joy, anguish, angst, fear, peace, hope, emptiness, completeness.
For a lot of reasons I’m not going to be able to participate in Holy Week services on Thursday and Friday this week. This is the best explanation of the Mass, where it comes from, how we re-present This Experience every time Mass is Celebrated. Holy Thursday, the institution of the Priesthood, the human faulted Priesthood. A priesthood of men who have faults and yet, can and hopefully are, men we can look to for guidance, hope, direction. When they fail (like Peter did while Jesus was questioned by Pilate) it’s often gut-wrenchingly difficult. And yet, our Lord entrusts them with our spiritual care. Somehow we have come to expect perfection in these men, expecting more yes, perfection, no.
Holy Friday. When several things happen: we cry out, “Crucify Him! Crucify Him!” with the crowd gathered. We join that crowd. I cry every time because I know deep down that I’d probably join that crowd of people demanding that a murderer be set free and some innocent guy be Crucified because being with the crowd is a “safe” thing. Why do I think I would have been there? Well let’s just say I know me. I know I’ve commented on some quilters blogs how they should do this and not do that. Not knowing fully what their life experience is, and why they’re sharing the things their sharing, writing the things they’re writing. Yeah. That.
And then there is the Eucharist (the Physical presence of Jesus in the form of Bread) is removed from the Tabernacle of the Sanctuary until the Easter Vigil. There is an emptiness, a loneliness that is experienced deeply. Our Lord is gone. We have to deal with that loss. We have to deal with our part in it. Well we can, or not. That’s up to us. We can choose to do it or not. We can choose. We get to pick. This loneliness, this lack of Presence, this ache for the Someone who offers Mercy, who Loves us for who we are, for who He created us to be, Someone who offers us the opportunity to be kinder, more merciful, to walk with us in times of struggle and hurt, joy and peace.
I try to, and sometimes fail at, be supportive of quilters to lift them up. I know sometimes I fail. Sometimes I just can’t. Sometimes I know I’m not the right person for the needs of the other. The other day I was reminded of something that happened, that left me reeling. That left someone else more deeply hurt than I ever knew. And as much as I’d like to be able to change this it’s not within anything I have to do so, because the hurt is deep.
I was thinking about the years I spent in Church ministry, how I would often move to the background, behind the scenes, being support staff for those who did the work. In one moment thinking that needed to change, and thinking how important that was, in that moment. I’ve been thinking about how in one sense I’m going there in the quilt world as well. I know it’s partly where I’m comfortable and yet, there is a longing for something more. Something deeper. I know what work needs to be done and yet, it’s hard to do it right now with the current work schedule and set of commitments. I need to figure this out. I do but I also need to trust that perhaps this isn’t the right time for somethings. There have been road blocks all along in this part of my quilting Journey and I don’t know why.
I do know one thing though change means moving forward, even though it might feel like moving toward a Cross. Resurrection comes through death.
New Life comes after the winter.
New Life is here. It’s blooming and ready.
New Life needs to be tended and I need to tend to something essential to growth.
I love Holy Week. I love how this is about Mercy and Grace. About Healing and Wholeness. About deep hurt and loss leading to this new life. I love the gift of new life and spring.