It’s one of those weeks where things niggle at the edge, whispering for me to pay attention. I have some ideas where this is going, however my guess is the writing will be a combination of serendipty, inspiration, whispering, and guts.
Taking stock is good. Getting through the overpowering waves of emotion before making decisions is better.
I posted this on Quilt Coach it is, in part, a statement of fact. Taking stock is good. Always. Is this working? Where, and how can I spend my time? How can I improve what I’m doing? Is this the right path? If it’s not the right path what steps do I need to take to get to where I need to be?
Getting through the over powering waves of emotion is always better than making snap decisions. So, without going into a lot of detail, there have been a lot of, “No’s” this year when I was hoping for a, “Yes”. The first no I kind of expected, and it came with some disappointment. Kind of a big deal, but not so much. Okay. The second no kind of rattled me however I got it. The third, “No” rattled me, again I get it. And that no is where the tempestuous nature of emotional decision making held great damaging potential, like the storm in last weeks Gospel took me. I just keep praying, “I trust you! I trust you! I trust you!” through this.
Part of me wants to just prove each one of these “naysayer” wrong. But the thing is, none of them are. Part of me wants to “make them regret telling me no” And yet I know dang well this is so wrong in so many ways I can actually begin to count them. Proving them wrong comes from a place of pride-filled arrogance, it is a place where I’ve lived, and it stinks. Blech.
In thinking about all of this I’m consciously trying to make sure that I’m not comparing myself to others in inappropriate ways. We each have a different path to walk, and we each have struggles that we don’t show others. Particularly on any type of social media site, because that place is always peachy, happy, hunky dory, glittery, full of unicorns, has free-wifi, and tons of data available. Not to mention all the appropriate adult beverages, chocolate cake, and whoopie pies a quilter could want.
For this reason I kneel before the Father,from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,that he may grant you in accord with the riches of his glory to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner self, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3
I chatted with a couple of friends this week about this one situation. And then I talked with a family member who shared with me that it is a long standing, in-built family trait to doubt yourself when things like this happen, the doubt is deepened creating that storm in the core of our being. The thing about this week, even though a, “Yes” would make a huge difference for me, there are other options to explore. I know I’ve had to pull back from reaching long term goals, out of necessity. While I’ve been thinking about things, and making a few changes that will make a big difference for me, the gift of this has been the ability to see, to really honestly see that these, “No’s” have nothing to do with my skill set, my personality, my ability to do the work. I’m in a position right now to begin again. I’m not starting over, not even remotely.
This experience is more like going to Confession for the first time in a long time. Freedom from the weight you’ve been carrying is amazing. I get to take this experience and shore up the foundation, and continue building. There is, without a doubt, a strengthening of the inner spirit, with the Grace of the Holy Spirit, through prayer, in Confession, and in forgiving.
So I’m embracing a huge YES! I’m thanking God for giving me stepping stones.