Living Over There

Every Little Prison (Deliver Me)
Matt Maher

From wanting to be loved
From wanting to be praised by all
From needing to be first
From finding all my worth in this world
From wanting to be seen
From constant worrying about myself

Deliver me
From validating words that only seem to serve a heart that’s proud
And all my self esteem, dressed up in vanity and doubt
From wondering if I am relevant and liked, so God

Deliver me, deliver me
Show me what it all looks like
Scribbled on the pages of a human life
Riddled through the ages until we see the light
Breaking all the cages wide open
Every little prison

From fear of letting go
From fear of the unknown ahead
From being overlooked
And so misunderstood again
From fear of being judged
From rumors of a love that fails

Deliver me, deliver me
Show me what it all looks like
Scribbled on the pages of a human life
Riddled through the ages until we see the light
Breaking all the cages wide open
Every little prison

Let every man be more than I
Closer to the truth when I’m set aside
Mostly of no use, but when I fall I fly
Breaking all the cages wide open
All these little prisons
Show me what it all looks like
Scribbled on the pages of a human life
Riddled through the ages until we see the light
Breaking all the cages wide open
Every little prison

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus. (repeat after each line)
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred to others,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected,
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. (repeat after each line)
That others may be esteemed more than I ,
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should.

Wake up song. Ah yes. I love it when the song begins the day. It’s a beautiful, glorious moment. Often there is something in the lyrics that speaks to my heart, speaks to the situation I’m in or clarifies something for me.
I happened to find a video with Matt Maher being interviewed about this song (I can’t find it tonight) but it was cool, trust me on that. And that led me to the inspiration behind the song which is the above prayer.  I’m thinking simply amazing. Beautiful. Holy. A call to a depth of being that I can not quite express, not fully, not yet.
What I can say is that this prayer, this song speak to my heart. The prayer and song ask me to, call me to, remind me to, oh this is challenging. It is this that my divided heart seeks.  Divided heart I hear you say, why yes it is oft divided between my desire to love and serve God through the work he calls me to in quilting (and yes I see this as a call, a ministry, a gift); and be well known, well loved and well liked. yes dear friends that is what one calls a divided heart – well it’s how my heart is divided. Reality sets in every once in a while with such clarity that to ignore it would be, well, sinful and turn my heart further away from the one who loves me with full and complete knowledge of who I am.
I love it (read with great sarcasm) when I’m told things like I know your motives and I think they’re awful and deliberate. Mmm. Yeah, no.
I’m aware that sometimes my divided heart fails others in ways that I can not imagine. I’m aware that sometimes my sense of humor is misinterpreted and seen as mean. It’s not. I’m probably feeling a need to be protective. My heart experiences things deeply – words, emotions. What I once heard is not what I hear now. I once heard ugliness and meanness and now I hear is a heart wounded by so much in life that this is the greatest response. There are so many little things that brought me to this moment and some really big things. And the biggest thing: a desire to be free.

And yes, one day I want very much to be a famous quilter, if that’s what is supposed to happen. If not, then I’m happy where I am, doing what I’m doing – quilting, blogging, thinking, praying and being a quilter.

God is Good!

God bless,
Teri