Part of the Lenten commitment is reading Part Four: Christian Prayer in the “new” Catechism. For the last two weeks I’ve been looking for my copy. Yes, yes I can read it online through the USCCB website. However, there’s something about the whole holding a book in my hands, underlining, making notes in the margins, and in this right now, what notes did I make back in the mid 1990’s when the current Catechism was promulgated.
Like Scripture this is a go-to for me for growing in understanding of faith and my relationship with God. Later this year I’m offering eight weeks on prayer at my Parish. As part of the preparation I begin here, in the Fourth Pillar: Christian Prayer. My Spiritual Director also reminded me of another book that has twelve types of prayer! That’ll be part of study and prayer leading up to October.
This Pillar begins with a quote from St Therese of Lisieux, my patron saint,
For me, prayer is a surge of the heart. It is a simple look turned toward heaven it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.
There was a time when going through a particularly challenging experience that not only did I want to stop praying the desire to leave the Church was there. And this desire was strong. As I drove to work one morning I remember saying Out Loud that I didn’t believe in God anymore. I also knew in that very moment that that wasn’t true, that I was hurt, deeply hurt. I also knew Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, the Eucharist, Holy Communion, I really couldn’t leave Him in that wounded place. This just wouldn’t do, for me or anyone really.
Prayer feels messy sometimes. I am in one sense behind this morning in the exercise of prayer and yet I know this is where I am needed. Behind because I haven’t done my current usual – Office of Readings and Morning Prayer. Though those are next. I spent a bit of time enjoying the great beauty of the sunrise, and whilst I gazed at the sublime beauty unfolding before me I encouraged a friend to pursue a desire of her heart. It is a good desire and one worthy of her pursuing, one that is in her creative wheelhouse that is not yet pursued with reckless abandon for (insert reason here.)
Learning to know someone or beginning the exercise of a new-to-me skill is always messy, awkward, and annoying. Particularly as adults when we *should* be perfect right from the start! And when we’re not, we abandon whoever or whatever it is we’re pursuing. While chatting with my friend I’m reminded that I still desire to learn to play the guitar. It is both a worthy pursuit and the sweet fulfillment of a long-held desire. It is creative and delightfully messy, painful and so fun. Delightfully painful you ask. Why yes, yes it is because those strings are metal and I developing callouses takes a while.
Learning to pray takes practice. It’s also experimental as we come to the place of knowing how we best conversate with God and that takes time. Like St Therese says it’s a surge of the heart, a simple look heavenward. I could list different ways God may be seeking to communicate with us, with me. One way for me, how I began this day is on the front porch, facing east, watching the glorious color shift and change moment by moment, capturing a few images to remember this particular day. Kinda like rereading the Fourth Pillar of the Catechism. Like coming here to share with you that Our Father desires to spend time with us, with you.
Prayer is first and foremost relationship.
God bless you,
Teri
A Quilter's Heart 