The overarching theme of the last six years is, “it doesn’t mean what you think it means.”
A wee bit more pondering brings me to the place of realization that this is very much the theme of life.
This is often affirmed in expected places. At the parish I’m part of the Discipleship University team, and choosing to, by both desire to learn and better form the teaching aspect of what I do, attend the Scripture Studies taught by Andy. These four weeks we are studying the Infancy Narratives in Matthew and Luke. (John and Mark do not include Jesus’ infancy) Making notes in my Bible is nothing new.
These three pages are notes from just one nearly two-hour class?
As often happens my word of the year comes just before the beginning of Advent, the new Liturgical year. I was a little stunned when Surrender came up and stuck at the forefront of my thoughts. “Oh NO” I thought, “not that!” Yep that and how do I ponder and live this well? Surrender calls for an attentiveness to what is going on interiorly, where in my being is God wanting to go, and then going there. This year brought changes in how I pray – this was coming for well over a year and I’m still moving in that direction. Prayer takes time. While interviewing with the Formation Director for the Lay Dominicans affirmation came in the journal praying as a form of mental prayer. It was an affirmation I didn’t know I needed.
Then there is the continued longing for mental prayer and silence.
Surrender
The post formation sense of loss and being unmoored is real. I know I’m not the only one who experiences this loss and floating, wading, swimming, treading water, whatever it is, is one of those experiences one must simply experience. Or to quote my spiritual director, the only way is through.
Surrender
Shifting how I’m teaching. This was challenging because I’ve long held that if I can do something, anyone can, or if I can know something anyone can, or most people are wiser than me spiritually. Coming to understand that in one way we are all at the beginning of our journey is good, coming to understand that in those places where we are further along it is essential to help form and guide others. This is in line with the sense I’ve held that I’m a behind the scenes walking with others rather than leading a ministry or thing.
Surrender
Then there’s the learning. As shown above there is a lot going on in the learning process. To continually place ones self at the feet of Jesus is a gift.
Surrender.
Surrender is an ongoing process, one that leads to an ever more intimate surrender. And the next word of the year. I’ll share that on Sunday.
May your new year be filled with God’s Grace,
Teri
A Quilter's Heart 