Well, there’s a typo I didn’t expect. And here’s the thing you wouldn’t know unless I pointed it out to you. Would you like to know the typo? When originally typing the title for this post I used the word Wonder. Then, in a habit from when I learned to type on an actual typewriter I backspaced to capitalize the W and typed Wander instead. I liked it because this morning I am wandering around inside my head thinking about the readings of the day.
While reading from the Acts of the Apostles a few things stood out to me for journaling and wandering. These are both in part related to Fr Mike’s Sunday Homily this week.
In case you don’t have a chance to go read this is the telling of the martyrdom of Stephen, the first Deacon. At the beginning of this passage Stephen is preaching, calling for the repentance of those who are around him.
This particularly infuriated this crowd. Note: this gets me right in the heart as this could be me. I notice sometimes when people are posting rants about whatever they are angry about there is a feeling stirring in the core of my being that is either with them – angry at the same thing, or screaming in my head, “what are you thinking?!” More and more I realize that sound bytes, or word bytes aren’t going to either change someone’s mind or heart and these social media discussions aren’t actually helping when it comes to the big topics. Sometimes I/we get caught up in the heat of the moment and do or say stupid things without thinking through what I actually believe and understand, and how to support this.
Stephen turns to the Lord first in his vision of seeing Jesus at the right hand of the Father, then like Jesus he asks God the Father to, well his words are better. . .
“Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”
Then he fell to his knees and cried out in a loud voice,
“Lord, do not hold this sin against them”;
and when he said this, he fell asleep.
Stephen is living the Our Father prayer in real time. He is, like Jesus, forgiving the people stoning him and asking the Lord not to hold this sin against them. This calls me to something more in my own heart. Where am I required to seek this? Lord, reveal this in my heart.
Saul is here “consenting to his execution.”
And…… then there’s this. OUCH.
This is the before the whole falling of his horse experience of Jesus asking Saul, “Why are you persecuting me?” Again, this tells us that our sins, while they are a problem, they aren’t the bigger problem. The bigger problem is our heart. While this is a painful realization there is one realization more important, “Change my heart O God.” Last summer when reading Fully Human, Fully Divine (Michael Casey) I learned a new way of understanding heart – rather than the seat of our emotions it is our will, intellect, emotions all together, in other words the very core of our being, our soul. Saul had a heart change in an instant, for most of us this is a longer process of conversion over time. Even Paul (formerly Saul) had a thorn in his side that he prayed the Lord would remove. God said, my Grace is sufficient or trust me, surrender.
Very much like the quilting I do I wandered all over the place with this particular reading. In the wandering though, the Holy Spirit is bringing me to places that we need to visit together for forgiveness that leads to healing. You see, Saul/Paul’s heart was healed, transformed, renewed and from this place he taught and preached.
And so now I wander off to teach free-motion machine quilting. I get to show quilters how to be awful at something until they get better.
God bless,
Teri
A Quilter's Heart 