Wheeeeee

When starting the Institute for Spiritual Direction in the fall of 2023 I thought I’d be writing more frequently about what we’re reading and learning and doing. The lack of writing has much to do with both the desire to honor what the others in the group are sharing with me and that there is much more inner work going on.

For October we read Sr Rose Mary Dougherty, SSND Group Spiritual Direction: Community for Discernment published by Paulist Press. Group Spiritual Direction is a new-to-me concept and quite frankly it freaked me out a bit. Sometimes though it’s a good idea to lean into the places where fear is demanding permanent residency, and with great clarity say, “no!”, and do the thing, so I volunteered for the session with our mentors.

Since May there’s been a struggle in prayer, not so much the desire to be fully present, rather the way this practice of Presence with God is shifting, there’s been some sense of where it’s going, yet it’s not quite clear. As a longtime journal keeper this is frustrating, the journaling may go in other directions as yet unexplored. In the looking back there are hints of where prayer is going and while the desire to be fully present for this is there, the resistance is there and yet so is the sweet fragrance of delight. Prayer is not always delightful, sometimes it’s anguished, pleading, speaking desires, interceding for others.

My Sweetie has told me that I am an overthinker, and it so many ways he’s right. I’ve learned the overthinking all my life, it is like a warm blanket, soothing and familiar, not fun though. Then there is one line in Luke

And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart. – Luke 2:19

In other versions the word is “pondered”.

While in the silence on Friday night I had this image, an experience of being a little child and the Father swinging me around, holding my hands and spinning round and round. Kind of like the dad in this video. This video showed up in my social media page Monday morning. Wheeeeee!

Sunday Morning in a conversation with another person in the ISD group I was able to define the difference between overthinking and pondering. Overthinking is mulling things over to the point where fear, stagnation, and shame take us to the place where we are hunched over and moving away from that which is Good and True and Beautiful. Classic example I could film an online class however I get stuck because I can can literally see all the steps that need to happen and wonder where to begin and how will this all get done and what if this happens or that happens and what if this class is a total flop and . . .

Pondering is the process where we are still thinking about all these things, are able to begin taking action and get closer to that which is Good and True and Beautiful. The connections made here are things like how Jesus when he says, “Martha, Martha, you are worried about a great many things.” changes from an image of Jesus scolding and finger wagging/shaming to an invitation to come and sit at His Feet and learn, to put on His easy yoke as it is light and bearable. Jesus invites Martha to bring all these things to Him allowing them to be transformed from worries to moments of prayer for others.

This was as enlightening for me as it was for the person I spoke with. It gave us both clarity in the direction of thinking we desire to pursue.

In one of our group spiritual direction times – we had three over the weekend – as we entered into silence and prayer there was a sublimely sweet experience where the connection between the cave Elijah dwelt in waiting to hear the voice of the Lord, the womb, the boat and the tomb became all the same place. Yes, these are all the same place, one of new life and rebirth. The place where all the overwhelming surging and swirling emotions and frustrations of life are brought to prayer and we can hear the Sweet Stillness where our God’s voice is so clear. This moment is a place of pondering, of getting closer to the Mystery of God and becoming quieter of heart*.

I don’t expect group spiritual direction to be this sweet all the time. Going to the quiet stillness, silence isn’t easy, it is worth it though. Pondering rather than overthinking. Permitting the overthinking the opportunity of being transformed by the renewal of mind. Outside of these weekends I’m not sure that I’ll regularly practice group spiritual direction, although it is a good gift that is certain.

I’m off to work on two projects one a curriculum for a class and the second finishing a stole for a Deacon.

Happy Quilting!

Teri

*heart – rather than the seat of emotions as we’ve come to understand, it is the seat, the center of our being where emotions and intellect form one another and it is the place of encounter with God.