This weekends Gospel is Matthew 18: 21-35 in which we hear the parable of forgiveness, debt and the need to both assess what’s owed. I am however getting ahead of this. Peter is by far one of my favorite people, he asks the best questions, and this is by far one of the best, and Jesus’ explanation is mind blowing.
One of the coolest pieces of an Ignatian style of prayer is placing myself in the parable, conversation or experience to in some ways imagine and get to know the passages personally, intimately. This can take us, me, deeper into the relationship with God in a way that continues to invite closer still. The moments where it’s hard to go here are frequent in that I get to see the places where surrender is necessary, and oh so comfortable.
Peter asks a question about forgiveness of others where it seems that his generosity is big, seven times! Jesus takes this a big leap forward to seventy-seven times, clearly stating that extending forgiveness is a necessary part of a life of faith. He then goes further to explain in a seemingly hyperbolic way what he means. In Fr Mike’s homily this morning he preaches on the debt owed, and it is H U G E! Like thousands and thousands of days wages huge, essentially impossible to pay back what’s owed. This debt is forgiven, totally and completely. This guy is free to live without this over his head. What he does next is confusing and yet indicative of our human nature. This servant goes to collect a debt owed him, that could be forgiven to continue extending the grace so that someone else had the opportunity to experience the same freedom given to him (her/me). In not extending that same forgiveness of a debt owed our friend ends up losing every-thing, including the freedom restored to him in the forgiveness of that debt.
Personally, I can tell you that in forgiving a debt owed, I experienced a great grace and freedom. My husband and I generally get to the Church 30 – 45 minutes before Mass to read and pray. I’d had a rough time spiritually leading up to this particular Sunday, There was a painfully broken relationship that needed forgiveness and I didn’t need to hold onto this apparent debt any longer. In prayer this day, only by the grace of God flowing in and through that moment, forgiveness happened and is happening. Forgiveness is sometimes an on-going process wherein there is the initial moment of forgiving then as things come to mind and heart there is the letting go, reminders of that forgiveness is already extended and the debt no longer exists. Reminders, we need reminders and we, I, get to work through the feelings. Have mercy on me Father, through the your son Jesus, Holy Spirit illumine my heart and mind.
Oh Peter thank you for asking the question and expanding our understanding of forgiveness, that holding onto the debt is detrimental to our very soul. Sometimes it feels like forgiveness is as simple as singing Let it go and it is much more than that. As Jesus sacrificially loved us on the Cross, Redeeming me in my arrogance, grudges, pain, hurt, and when my arrogance, ignorance, dumbassness, pain, and hurt, cause pain and hurt to others. I am painfully and keenly aware that, though I don’t want to cause pain, I do. Open my eyes that I may see, fill my heart that I may love, open my hands that I may give, move my feet that I may go.
There is an old saying, “it’s easier to ask forgiveness, than it is to ask permission.” As I ponder before going to bed tonight I don’t think this is entirely true. Both are hard because it requires the exercise of the acceptance of authority and the virtue of humility (not humiliation). This is further evidenced in the reality that we have a difficult time, myself for sure, admitting not only when we’re wrong, there is the added tendency toward trying to hold other people responsible for what we’ve done.
Case in point, I needed to write an email to someone that included some specific information. It was there and a little written in a way that totally defeated the purpose of writing the email. And it sounded as though I didn’t understand the whole point. I want to both correct this, and blow it off at the same time.
I am off to ponder and sleep and thank God for you. For the gift of this weekend For the gift of sometimes being a dumbass and for the gift of the Eucharist.
God bless,
Teri
A Quilter's Heart 